going slow in the fast lane

I thought about you this morning...old man. The second half of the night was a restless one and sleep just didn't come easily. Odd dreams flopped helter skelter across my mind leaving me with a sense of unease when I crawled from bed before daylight. Going to bed with unfinished thoughts will do that to a person and must have been the case with me last night. At some time yesterday, I must have heard your name because you were the constant theme in each of the dreams. In some I was mad with Tilena, but you appeared somehow in all of them, and I just couldn't make sense of it. None seemed to "end" right.

Just like you're untimely departure when I felt like you had gone too soon. There was still too much to talk about, too many laughs yet to share. We didn't spend as much time together there toward the end. Maybe a lot of it was that I knew it was coming, and didn't really know what to say to you anymore. You didn't know what to say either. Our last few conversations were forced and uneasy. Nothing like the twenty years worth of discussions before. It really seemed sort of anti climatic when I think back over the years. The end should have been different. I should have been there. It should have been funny...or at least controversial.

I know you weren't ready. Some people look forward to their homecoming day. Others just seem resigned to the fact that time is up. Then there are some like you who really didn't want to go. It was hard to look at you knowing that you knew...and didn't want to go. There were still Gyros to eat and politicians to grumble about.

Remember our first meeting? There you were in much the same condition as you would be twenty years later on our last meeting... Laying up in the bed on your lazy butt. You had just suffered your first heart attack and I had driven down from Perry with Tilena to see you. Tilena and I had only been out twice, so I don't really know what I was thinking to offer to ride down there with her and Christy...it just seemed the thing to do. Actually that visit sealed the deal for me. I finally met a family more disfunctional, weird, and nutty than my own. Anyway, you never actually spoke to me although you did grunt in my direction. But you said to Tilena, "Watch him, you know what they say about those policemen". No, I don't know Peep, I never did know exactly what that meant. But I do know this..Somewhere along the line I went from being a suspect to being a confidant. The last meeting was, in a way, similar. You were in that hospital bed again. And again, you didn't speak to me. But you knew I was there. Maybe you had just said everything there was to say. I hadn't though, and I wish I had said it then. But it was just so difficult. A lot changed between us over twenty years, and that lump in my throat just wouldn't get out of the way there at the end.

Well Peep...today would be your birthday. I think you would be 75 if you were still here with us. You really would be one of those old "farts" you always complained about. You've been three years removed from us now. You've had three "real" birthdays huh? I wouldn't wish you away from Glory for anything....but I do miss you.

Happy birthday old man...and, oh yeah, stay outta the fast lane.

Don & Company


Palm Trees and Sand.......................