Bad Dad

A photo of my mower "with the grass shroud reattached again" sigh...JUST GO CUT THE GRASS.........For 21 years I've been King of the Turf, Ruler of the Yard, Unchallenged Czar of the Green World....and now Tilena's telling me how to cut the grass. That woman just called me on the phone "she's in the car on her way home from work" telling me I need a new mower cause mine blows grass all over the place....who woulda thunk it... Translation, ten minutes ago I made Nick get out of the bed "its 4 p.m." and go outside to mow the grass. So now he's called Mommie about mean ole Dad mistreating him. He gets grass and dirt on his head and Daddy don't care. For those of you who have never seen my mower, its a lot like me. Kinda beat up, ugly, rusty and missing a few parts...but if you have a little patience with it...it can still get the job done. It embarrasses the heck out of Tilena for anyone to see it. Now Nick knows this and no one is better at pushing mama's buttons than little stinkie ninkie.

So what if it is old, beat up, rusted, dented, bald tires and missing the entire hood. The fact is, the motor is strong, blades are sharp and it cuts a nice lawn....if the driver is out to cut a nice lawn. Nick complained initially because it had a grass shroud deflector that left clumps of grass on the lawn and I would make him rake it up after mowing. He didn't like raking, so I took the shroud off to enable the mower to mulch up the clippings....no more clumps, no more raking. Now that the shrould is gone, the clippings blow up on him and gets him dirty....oh boo hoo. MOMMIE, Daddy is being a doo doo head....yes honey he is...I'll call him right now. So here we are. What Nick wants is me to hire someone to cut the grass "anyone but him is my guess". The truth is, he doesn't cut it to my satisfaction anyway. No one can cut my grass to my satisfaction but me. But lets get this straight here...we're not talking about the darned grass. We're talking about a 17 year old asleep in the bed at 4pm. A 17 year old who will still be in the bed at noon tomorrow. A 17 year old who has a car, meals, home, game cube, nintendo, Wii, satellite t.v, cell phone, computer, health and dental "four retainers so far", chips & dip and all the mountain dew he can drink......that's what we're talking about. He can cut the flapbanging grass once a week.

And let me digress here for just a bit. We should all really know how my mower came to be in the state its in. A couple years back, Ryan "the other brother Darrell" while in a learning curve of his own...was taking the mower over to cut the grass at one of the vacant parsonages in town. He loaded it onto the trailer and headed out. Well, as he was going up the street, he hit the brakes to make the curve and the trailer with mower still attached "caught up with him". Learning to lock the trailer hitch onto the tow ball can be an expensive lesson. That's why even today the back of the jeep is as ugly as the front of my mower.

You know, most men would take advantage of this opportunity to go buy a fancy new Dixie Chopper "the cadillac of lawn mowers", when their wife left the door open like that. But the issue is just more dadgummed important here. My mower cuts the lawn like a golf course when I use it, so there's nothing wrong with the mower. There's a lot wrong with most teenagers. There's not a doubt in my mind that Nick will make the curve and one day grade out high. I'm sure he'll eventually have a lawn of his own. But I owe it to him to stand fast on this issue. A little sweat equity is a noble thing. And as for "mommie", I make fun of her, but the fact is, she really is on my side...but she really don't like my mower.

I've learned, the lessons are so much more valuable than the chore. A bad mow job is like a bad hair cut...it will grow back. Just like all the holes where home plate and first base used to be...they will repair themselves. I'll sorely miss these "bad mow jobs" one day. With the possible exception of the "Tilena mowing experiment". Some scars really never do heal. But I refuse to let the lessons pass. I love him too much to let him ride around on a Dixie Chopper; or to let someone else be riding around on it in his place. I really would love to have a Dixie Chopper and a 1962 Corvette...But by the time I can afford them, I'll be too old to drive either. In the mean time, I think God left us to cut the grass. See, here's the way I have it figured...now this is not Southern Baptist Theology...just Don's understanding of things. Anyway, the way I see it, God got out of the gardening business back about the time of the Fall of Man. God does provide a gorgeous natural world....but he just ain't to eager a gardener. You should see my lawn when he has it to himself for two or three weeks. If you want to get a quick refresher, just look back at Genesis 3:17-19. In my mind God said..."From here on out, you can cut your own grass..."

So Nick...sorry buddy. But you'll just have to bear it on that ole mower a couple more years. I sure wish I had a mower to ride when I was 17. Try being a farm hand, boy. But that's another story....don't mean anything to a sleepy 17 year old anyway. Like Ryan and Christy, Nick will get there...he's just a little behind the curve right now.

And Nick, don't forget to blow off the sidewalk.